deborah님 블로그에서 커트 코베인의 글을 보고 문득 그가 생각나서
사용자 삽입 이미지

And here is the readable version of it.

To Boddah,

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we’re back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become.

I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.


저 글중 굵게 표시된 부분을 나도 닮고 싶었지만...난 그냥 비트의 정우성이가 했듯이 냉면 줄기처럼 가늘고 길게 살아야 되는 체질인가보다 싶다.

대학교 신입생시절 친구가 열렬히 좋아하는 그룹이라고 해서 알게된 Nirvana인데 이 후엔 내가 더 빠져버렸다.
그의 노래를 들으면 왠지 모를 슬픈 감정이 나를 지배하는 것 같은 기분이 들었다.
갈라지는 목소리에 애절한 절규는 정말 오래도록 가슴에 남는다.
요즘도 가끔 나도 모르게 중얼거리는 가사가 있다.
my girl my girl don't lie to me tell me where did you sleep last night.
이 가사는 꼭 커트니 러브를 보고 하는 말 같은 생각이든다.

그러고 보니 11월은 유재하와 김현식이 생각나는 달이기도 하네...
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  1. 부족한 저의 글을 광도도 해주시다니.. 송고스럽습니다. ^^ 참 유서가 커트니 러브가 쓴 것이 아닌가 하는 유혹을 남기기도 했지요. 문제는 유서에는 지문 자국이 발견 되지 않았다고 수사에서 나왔데요. 그래서 타살로 본다고 하더군요. 그의 너바나 팬들은 자살이 아니라고 하더라고요.

    2010.11.03 20:58 [ ADDR : EDIT/ DEL : REPLY ]